Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Decoding Love Why it Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations From the Science of Attraction by Andrew Trees

I enjoyed this book, not because it gave me an inside edge in the battle of the sexes, but because it is highly insightful and entertaining. How can a book about relationships truly be entertaining? Because he gives real-world as well as literary examples on such topics as how not to fight.

As librarians we are predisposed to reading, but who wouldn’t love a self-help book with quotes from Jeeves and Wooster or Howard’s End? Andrew Trees delves into the science behind relationships without being boring and he is informative without being preachy. He covers a wide range of topics including arranged marriages and perceived happiness, intuition versus conscious decision making, dating dos and don’ts and finding lasting happiness.

I especially enjoyed his chapter on “The End of Dating: or what I learned about marriage.” For someone who has been married for nearly 12 years, it was intriguing and a bit amusing that predicting longevity has nothing to do with fighting. In fact couples need to fight. Also, unless you are Dr. John Gottman (an expert on marriage) you will most likely not be able to predict which couples will last based on social interactions. Sorry US Weekly!

I loved his reaffirmation that we need to stop thinking! As Americans we have a tendency to over think everything. He unapologetically points the finger at women since apparently women obsess much more about relationships than men. He says making lists of pros and cons to each relationship is dangerous because we are much better at gut feelings then we are at putting those feelings into logical words.

So next time you’re thinking too much about why you’re attracted to your neighbor or if you should date this person over that person, pick up Andrew Trees' book and stop obsessing!

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